Vanessa Paesani

Can you have both? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for a while now. Everything I’ve read on the topic suggests humans have a drive for both security and adventure – though of course the level of drive for each differs greatly by individual.

For me, I’ve unconsciously tried to balance these competing desires – I only consciously became aware of them as competing and normal drives fairly recently.

Yesterday, I arrived in Thailand after leaving a well-paying position to travel Southeast Asia for a few months. It was a plan I starting working earlier this year after reflecting on my goals. Things weren’t going quite as I envisioned, which is sometimes a blessing in disguise – it led to a lot of deep self reflection. I hired a professional coach, which has been one of the best investments I’ve made in myself in a long time.

He helped me ask questions of myself that I was scared to ask – or maybe that I didn’t know how to ask. He helped remind me that I should keep my eyes on where I’m going – just like in motorbiking. After getting my motorcycle license recently, I can attest how true that is – unless you are looking where you are going, you are going to hurt yourself or end up in the ditch (or worse).

I knew where I wanted to go, though I wasn’t yet taking full steps in that direction.

In the spring, a mentor asked me if I was ‘getting ready’ for my bold goals or ‘getting ready to get ready’. I was getting ready to get ready.

Esther Perel recently tweeted that ‘trust is an active engagement with the unknown’. I’ve literally been thinking about that for a month straight now. As a bit of a planner, I haven’t always engaged well with the unknown. I’ve leaned on pragmatism. Pragmatism is great. And as my coach helped me learn, any strength overdone can become a weakness. At times, I found myself trying to control the unknown through planning.

So I’ve decided to step a bit away from my pragmatism for a while and am trying to explore more of the free spirit way of being. I have a budget on this trip, and it took some time to ensure the details were planned so that I could leave my secure life at home in beautiful NB behind for a while. I certainly haven’t abandoned pragmatism – I’ve chosen to consciously explore the other side of the coin to ensure I keep that drive in check.

I may spend the rest of my life asking myself how to balance security and adventure. I don’t exactly know what I will learn from this particular adventure. Though I know I’m very much looking forward to the journey.

With love, from Bangkok